Fear

scared.

not of jail
because six months is nothing.
I'll put a grand on my books,
get through the first week
and then kill time gambling
on card games and bones
while catching up on some much needed rest.

scared.

not of my family
because short of murdering puppies
the group I care about
will support through anything I put my body through
because they love me
and just want me to get better and be happy in life.

scared.

not of losing you
because as anything more than a friend
I did that myself two years ago
when I decided drugs
and not waking up to an alarm clock
was more important than
giving you everything you deserved
for me to give.

scared.

of myself and the future
because in 15 days a judge can take away my freedom,
my career
and everything I have to lose.

If that happens,
I am very scared of how I'll behave
when they finally let me out of the South Side cell
and put me back into a world
with drugs and no reason to avoid them.

It is hard enough for me to do right
when I have every reason to do so,
imagine when I am broke and out of work.

be scared too.